Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Justin Bieber is a pretty cool guy.

“I feel like the Kurt Cobain of my generation, but people just don’t understand me,” - Justin Bieber

Now when I saw this post I immediately questioned its credibility but then saw it mentioned in printed articles like the one in vanityfair. Now I am not one to just take this hint of credibility and run with it but lets consider this for a minute. Justin Bieber, a kid with a fanbase consisting of little more than preteen girls couldn't possibly think so highly of himself. Honestly, I am not a huge Nirvana fan but I can certainly appreciate their music much more than some autotuned melody.

In a VF article Bieber goes on claiming, “People write to me and say, ‘I’m giving up, you’re not talking to me.’ I just write them a simple message like, ‘Never give up,' you know? And it changes their life.”

Really? It appears that Bieber is the Cobain-Kennedy incarnate with that sort of motivational power.

Bieber is either the greatest troll of all time or a contender for ego of the century, a title held by Sir Kanye West.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Swiss

I am sure we are all aware of the famous Swiss Army Knives. Swiss Army Knives are the stereotypical gift for the aspiring boyscout, outdoorsman, or serial killer. The knives are nice but honestly, I wasn't even aware the swiss had a military force, maybe thats just what they want the rest of the world to think. So here it is, I am convinced that these knives are outdated versions of their new weaponry system used to fool the world into a false sense of security all while raising revenue for their global takeover. I am unsure of their strength but after considering their past multitool capabilities one thing is for sure, they will be the most prepared and versatile army the world has ever seen.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Eulogy for Pylo: Continued

Well for those not yet aware of the hero Pylo read the previous post to acquaint yourself. For the rest of you here is a song documenting Pylo's life.


Also if anyone cares enough to tab out the guitar let me know.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Eulogy for Pylo

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are gathered here today in order to honor the memory of our beloved friend, Pylo the Pylon.

Pylo was born at 9:15, right in the middle of the great Protoss/Terran war.  He was the son of a Probe with barely 100 minerals to his name and a young warpfield.  His life started with tragedy, as his father left before Pylo was even born, and his warpfield mother collapsed upon his birth and expired.

Still, Pylo was well raised by a Xel'Naga Watchtower that was always by his side through thick and thin.  This watchtower taught Pylo about life, and about the great war that was, tragically, soon to claim his life.

Yes, Pylo lived in interesting times, his many hobbies included forming an energy matrix and counseling his Protoss brethren as they came back, often battered and bruised with no shields, from war.  Truly Pylo was a giving soul, with nary a selfish crystal in his structural form.

Alas, around the time of 13:50, Pylo heard the sounds of war... of Psy Storms and screams of Terrans... of grenades and bullets and the cries of two of his closest High Templar friends as they expired.  Pylo was brave, he didn't run, he stood his ground as a ball of Marauders and Marines (with their dastardly Medivac drug-dealers in tow) came around the corner of Pylo's home and attacked him even as his two Zealot friends and a Colossus valiantly tried to distract the Terrans by sacrificing themselves.  Unfortunately, at 14:08, before they could leap into action, Pylo the Pylon was taken from this world.

He is in a better place now, but let us not forget him.  He lived a full life, and we should all be so lucky to live as he did.  Let us remember him for his silent grace and power, and not for his tragic end.

He is survived by his closest friend, the Xel'Naga Watchtower.

Rest in Peace, Pylo... we'll never forget you.


Friday, September 17, 2010


So after devoting a good amount of my time I have completed the Borderlands main campaign. Atleast I think I did. I got to the end and my only thought was... "Are you serious?". SPOILER ALERT: My character devoted their life and put themselves in peril just to be manipulated by some slutty ass satellite and eventually be led on a worthless chase. You get to the end and satellite slut tells you that you finally got the keys to open the vault and have arrived after destroying what I can only assume is an entire species of aliens. Onlyafter that does she tell you that she was using you and the vault wont open for another 200 years. Seriously, 2k needs to not take pages out of Shamylans book, its annoying. Also Bruce Willis was a ghost during the entire movie The Sixth Sense.

-14:08 Never Forget

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Zombie Survival Guide

I think that members of the internet are all too aware of the real dangers of the coming zombie apocalypse. It is time now to formulate a survival strategy and prepare ourselves for Armageddon.Forget what you have seen in movies like Zombieland or Dawn of the Dead. In reality these tactics will do nothing more than get you killed.

The first and most important step in the event of the zombie apocalypse is to find yourself a well rounded pokemon. The things that should be considered is the strength, resilience, mobility, and utility of your new companion. Keep in mind this pokemon could be your only friend for the rest of eternity so choose wisely. I personally would go for Onyx, he is fairly large, offers great mobility and possible shelter, and most importantly cannot be infected by the zombie horde.

Step two should only be attempted after you have solidified shelter and a food source. You may now begin to attempt to contact other survivors. Do not put too much priority in this at first, survival is still priority one. Start with a small group, larger numbers will require more food and pokemon battles.  Try to find other survivors who will offer the most utility to the group.

Once you have a band of followers you may begin to reconstruct a civilization. Using larger pokemon as the labor force security, holding off the zombie horde should not be very difficult. Now is not the time to get sentimental with the daylight, if you have a taskforce capable of building underground make sure to utilize it. Again, Onyx would serve as a major help here.

Undoubtedly, your civilization will have its share of crazies and they should be immediately exiled or killed, now is not the time to compromise security. Once all of this is done, all that is left to do is keep guard and ride out the infestation.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

It could be called, the Bill... If you play your cards right.

So what would happen if one day Bill Gates got out of bed and said, "I think I will buy the sun today". The old saying goes, everything has a price, what if Bill Gates wanted to name the sun after himself. Surely, there would be an uproar from the religious community but seriously why not? Of course the issue then turns to, who can claim ownership of the sun. The obvious answer is that Bill Gates would give every person on earth $5. So Bill Gates, if you are reading this go ahead and purchase the most valuable thing in the universe, slip me $5 and I would be happy to be awoken each day by the shining light of the Bill.